You Raise Me Up
by LivForever
Summary: Olivia's mother is on a bad path and Olivia can't take it anymore. Who better than Alex Cabot to come to her rescue?
1. Chapter 1

**Trying something a little different here. This is A/O and I have never written AO before so, I hope you like! **

"Mom, I have to go." Olivia was standing in the living room of her mother's house with her purse strapped over her shoulder and her jacket buttoned up to her neck. It was snowing outside and Olivia felt a little colder with each tiny snowflake that fell.

"I... need, my... more vodka."

Olivia bit her bottom lip and shook her head no, "I have to go. I'm going to be late for work."

"Damn it, Olivia! All you care about is that damn job! I wouldn't be surprised if something bad happens to you. I tried to tell you but, you never listen to me!" As Serena Benson spoke her words became more slurred and she started staggering around as she tried to approach Olivia. Her eyes were pink and glossy and Olivia hated that this was routine for her. She winced at the words. Even after all these years they still hurt. They always would. She wished her mother could be as kind as she was when she was sober. The sober moments were becoming more and more rare and now she didn't know what to do. Olivia herself was barely hanging on.

"I have to go," she reiterated, "I'll be home later."

As Olivia made her way out of the door she heard her mother yell, "I hate you!"

Her tears fell silently as she walked down the sidewalks of Manhattan. There were a million other people out there walking yet, she felt all alone. She would never understand how a mother could say they hated their child. She saw it in her line of work all the time. She knew how if made her feel when her mother said it, she couldn't imagine how a small child felt.

She wiped away her last bit of tears and let out a deep breath before pulling the doors of the precinct open and stepping inside. Here, she was tough. Here, nobody would ever see her break down. Here, she was Detective Olivia Benson and she was the hero. Not some coward who couldn't stand up to her own mom.

"Morning," Alex said with a bright smile on her face. She was sitting in Olivia's desk chair having a chat with Fin when Olivia walked in.

"Morning," she said faking a smile.

"We won the Halsey case," Alex said, "65 years to life."

Olivia nodded, sitting her things down and beginning to unbutton her coat. Captain Cragen came walking out of his office and was about to call Olivia and Fin on a case when he saw the look on Olivia's face. He always knew when she had been crying.

"Munch, Fin," he said instead, "I need you two to head to the Hauschild household. Start questioning the mother about what she knows."

"Got it," Fin said getting his jacket and following Munch out the door.

Cragen walked back into his office leaving Alex and Olivia alone to chat.

"You look a little tired, Liv," Alex pointed out, "Everything okay?"

Olivia put on that fake smile that she always did and nodded, "Everything's fine."

"We've been friends for a while now," Alex stated standing to let Olivia have her chair, "I know when you're lying."

"I just have a headache. That's all."

"You look a little pale," Alex stated starting to worry about her friend.

"I'm fine," Olivia said again. The room started spinning and all of a sudden Olivia's world went black.

"Liv! Olivia!" Alex ran to Olivia's side and propped her up in her lap. She yelled for Cragen and both the Captain and George Huang came rushing into the squad room.

"She said she had a headache and she just collapsed," Alex explained frantically.

George took a closer look at Olivia and decided that the most likely reason she had passed out was because she was dehydrated. "Get some water," he instructed.

Alex looked around the room for a bottle of water and found one sitting on Fin's desk. She rushed to retrieve it and get it to Huang quickly. He opened the bottle and poured some into her mouth, careful that she didn't choke.

"Olivia, you need to open your eyes," he instructed.

Alex watched as Olivia moved her head ever so slightly and her eyes appeared open.

"What happened?"

"You passed out," Cragen informed her, "Go home, Liv. Take a personal day."

"Cap'n I'm fine."  
"You just passed out!" Alex exclaimed, "You need to go home and rest! I'll take you."

Home was the last place Olivia wanted to be, especially with Alex. The girl she was in love with could not see her sloppy drunk mother.

"You need to drink some water," Huang told her before helping her back up into her chair, "To keep you hydrated."

Olivia nodded. She was feeling achy and she didn't want to stay at work. She didn't want to go home either. She was caught between a rock and a hard place. "Come on," Alex said gently placing a hand on her shoulder, "I'll stay with you until you feel better."

This was it. She either let Alex take her home or she might not get another chance. "Okay," she said reluctantly, "But you can't stay. I wouldn't want you wasting your time at my place."

Alex shook her head and helped Olivia out the door after waving goodbye to Cragen, "I'll stay until you look a little better."

Olivia had never seen Alex's car before and when she did see it she was surprised. It was a blue convertible and it looked brand new. The ride back to Olivia's place was quiet. Olivia didn't plan on letting Alex come in but, what if her mother came outside? Olivia silently pleaded that it wouldn't happen.

When Alex pulled up next to the curb in front of Olivia's house she turned the car off and climbed out.

"You don't want to come in," Olivia said, "The place is a mess."

"I'm going to make sure you get some rest," Alex told her, "I know how stubborn you are."

Olivia sighed. She knew there was no way out of it now. It was only ten in the morning and with her luck her mother wouldn't be passed out yet. Usually it took until at least one and her mother would fall wherever she was standing. She reached for her keys out of her purse and fumbled to get them in the lock. When she finally managed to get the door open she sighed of relief to see that the house was silent and her mother was lying down on the couch asleep.

"Don't mind my mother," she said tossing her keys onto the coffee table, "She's been sick too."

"Must be the flu," Alex frowned not thinking anything more on the subject.

Olivia walked into the back hallway of the apartment building and opened a door that led to her bedroom. This is where she spent her time when she wasn't at work. She would go to work in the morning, come home, and go straight there. She didn't like hanging around her mother when she was drunk and the sober moments were happening less and less.

"I didn't know you still lived with your mom," Alex chuckled, "You're a little old for that don't you think?"

Olivia forced a smile, "Yeah. Tell me about it."  
"You should really get some rest," Alex said helping to straighten the covers out on the bed, "You scared me today."

Olivia smiled. She had liked Alex Cabot for quite sometime now but, she wasn't sure if the feeling was mutual. She tried to keep her work life separate from her love life but, you can't help who you love.

"Sorry," Olivia said shyly, "I guess I should take better care of myself."

Alex gave her a half smile and sat down on the edge of Olivia's bed when her cell phone started ringing. She sighed and brought it out of her skirt pocket to answer it. "Alexandra Cabot."

Alex said some things into the phone and then shut it with a little extra slam than she intended. "That was my boss," she said turning to face Olivia, "I have to go."

"I'll be fine," Olivia said touching her hand, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Both of them smiled at each other and Alex made sure Olivia was tucked into bed with a glass of water at her side before she let herself out.

Olivia woke up sometime later in the day and looked over to her nightstand where the bright neon numbers read 11:14. She must have really been tired to sleep all day. She wasn't sure what had woken her up but she was sure it had been something. She pulled the covers higher up under her chin and positioned herself so she was comfortable before closing her eyes and trying to go back to sleep. Not even twenty seconds later and a loud sound coming from the living room caused her to jolt right out of bed.

"Mom!" she hollered, "Is everything okay?" She rushed into the living room, fear that somebody had broken in.

"I'm out!" Serena cried, "You didn't bring any h..home for m..e."

Olivia sighed. Her mother was drunk. Again. You could see it all over her. Her eyes were pink and glossy, her breath reeked of booze, and she had been wearing the same outfit for the past three days.

"I was sick," Olivia answered plainly, "Not that you care or anything."

Serena pretended to cry, "Go to the liquor store. I need more Vodka."

"No," Olivia said sternly, "It's below freezing outside and I'm tired. If you want it you go get it yourself." She turned to walk back to her bedroom when she felt a hand grip her arm.

"You'll go get me something to drink or I'll lock you out."

Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes. This wasn't the first time her mother had threatened to do that to her. She was sure it wouldn't be the last either. She jerked her mother's hand off of her and continued on her path back to her room. That's when things got physical. Serena swung her hand across Olivia's face and the shock was very evident.

"Go," Serena said to her.

Olivia stood there, stunned. This wasn't the first time her mom had laid a hand on her. She wished it didn't have to happen like this but it did. Her mom never did appreciate her. She never gave her a chance at a normal life. All Olivia could do was cry about it except she chose not to. She chose to be the bigger person and try and get her mom help. Years of counseling and many failed attempts at rehab but nothing worked. She was beginning to feel hopeless. She just wanted to give up. Everyone she had fell for in the past left because her own mom pushed people away. She didn't want the same thing to happen with Alex. She really liked Alex and she was ready to be in a serious relationship. She took a deep breath and forced the tears that were welling up in her eyes to go away.

"Fine," she whispered, "I'll go." She slipped her shoes on and grabbed her black coat off the couch and stuffed some money into her pocket. She stepped outside into the fluffy falling snow and didn't look back. She looked down at the ground as she walked and she paid close attention to the crunching sound beneath her feet. It was hard to hear with all the sound of the traffic and the honking cars but, she strained her ears. She wondered how it had gotten this far. She was able to handle perps all day long and she didn't give a damn that they called her a bitch or said they hated her. Why couldn't it be the same way with her mom? She didn't think she would ever understand why her mom said the things she did.

She walked the few blocks to the nearest liquor store and finally feeling a little bit of warmth she loosened her scarf a little and walked over to the wall where her mother's favorite brand of Vodka sat. She hated buying the disgusting stuff. She hated that she contributed to her mother's problem. What else was she to do? If she hadn't went to get it she was afraid of what her mom would do to her.

She picked two bottles up off the shelf and carried them to the check out counter where she accidentally bumped into to a lady.

"Sorry," she said without looking to see the person's face.

"Olivia? What are you doing here? You're suppose to be resting!"

Olivia sighed, it was Alex. Just her luck.

"I-uh..."

"You wanted a drink," Alex laughed, "That's a lot of liquor there."

Olivia looked down at the glasses in her hands, "Yeah," she said suddenly embarrassed.

**TBC... Do you like it so far? Has it been done before? I'm loving writing it so I hope you love reading it!**


	2. Chapter 2

"I just came here to get a celebratory bottle of wine," Alex said holding up the bottle of red wine in her hand.

"Did you when a case?" Olivia was trying to start a conversation about anything in hopes that Alex wouldn't ask why she was buying two big bottles of Vodka.

"The Ziegler case," she smiled, "Mrs. Ziegler is going to be in jail for a long time."

"That's good news," Olivia smiled.

"All the more reason to celebrate. I was going to celebrate by myself," Alex said stepping up to the check out counter, "But since you look like you are celebrating too, we could celebrate together?"

Olivia's mouth went dry. She wanted more than anything to spend time with Alex celebrating. She didn't even care that she didn't know who Mrs. Ziegler was.

"I, uh, I would but my mom is still sick. I have to go home and take care of her."

"I could come to your house," Alex said, "I really don't want to go home alone after such a good day."

"It's really not a good idea," Olivia said, "I wouldn't want you to catch what she has. Maybe some other time."

"Some other time," Alex said sadly, "See you later, Liv."

Olivia hated seeing Alex walk away. She wanted to be walking with her and holding her hand. She couldn't help but stare at her backside as she made her way to her car right outside the store doors.

She sighed and turned back around to the check out counter to pay the cashier and then she was on her way.

When she arrived home she handed her mother the brown paper sack and walked away to her room.

"Wait," her mother said in a gentle tone, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Olivia asked, "Sorry for hitting me? Sorry for not loving me? What exactly are you sorry for?"

"You know," Serena said with an angry tone in her voice, "I was trying to be nice. You don't ever accept anything! All you do is complain about what a no good mother I am!"

"Just stop," Olivia said putting her hand up, "Just drop it. I'm going back to bed."

"No you aren't," she said causing Olivia to stop in her tracks, "I don't want you to live here anymore."

Olivia rolled her eyes. She hated arguing with her mom. She had done it all her life and she was just so tired. Tired of everything.

"Then I'll leave," she said with no emotion in her voice, "I'll leave tomorrow."

"No," Serena said shaking her head, "Get out now."

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Are you just going to kick me out on the street?"

"Yeah," she answered, "Get out."

As she sat outside on the sidewalk she let her tears fall freely. She wished she could save her mother from destroying herself but she couldn't. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Liv?" Alex asked walking out of the apartment building across the street, "Olivia, what are you doing out here? It's freezing."

Olivia swat at her tears angrily before Alex reached her and made sure there was no evidence of her crying, "Just thinking."

Alex frowned, "You were crying..."

Olivia sighed, "The alcohol wasn't for me," she said beginning to explain herself, "It was for my mom. She's an alcoholic because of me. Because my father raped her. She kicked me out tonight. She told me she didn't want to see my hideous face anymore and she locked me out."

Alex shuddered. She had heard the story of Olivia before but she hadn't known about her mother. She had no idea that Olivia was hiding such a huge secret.

"Come on," Alex said helping her up, "You're coming to my place."

"Alex I can't," she argued, "I don't want to intrude."

"You're coming to my place," she said again with a bit more authority in her voice, "I'm not just going to let you sit outside all night. It's freezing!"

Olivia got up with the help of Alex and grabbed her things out of the yard that Serena had threw out at her. She stuffed everything in to a bag and threw it in the backseat of Alex's car.

"Thank you," Olivia said quietly once they were on the road.

"Why do you do it?" she asked not wanting to sound rude, "Why do you take care of her?"

"She's my mom," Olivia answered simply. No matter how simple of an answer she gave the real reason was so much more complicated. She didn't even know why she put up with her mother half the time. Explaining it to someone else would just be a waste of time.

"She treats you like a piece of crap. You deserve better than that."

After everything that had happened to Olivia that night, she smiled. Alex had just told her that she deserved better. She wasn't told that very often and she had never heard it from anyone she had a crush on.

"Thank you..."

"Here we go," she said pulling up in front of her house and turning the car off, "My apartment awaits."

They went inside and Alex turned on her coffee pot because she knew how much Olivia liked her coffee in the morning and her warm tea at night. "There's a guest bedroom," Alex said pointing to a bedroom just down the hall, "You probably don't want to be alone tonight though... you had a rough night. If you want to just talk about things... you can talk to me."

Olivia swore her ears were deceiving her. She didn't think she heard correctly. "I don't want to keep you up. I'll be okay."

"Liv," Alex said sighing and pulling her down to sit on the couch next to her, "You're not okay…"

Olivia didn't say anything. She sat there quietly with her hands in her lap and thinking about what to say to Alex. Should she tell her that she was falling in love with her? Should she tell her that she was used to her mother doing this to her because she had experienced it her whole life?

Alex was sitting there just taking in the whole look of Olivia Benson. Sure, she had seen her before. They talked to each other every day at work but, this, this was different. This was really looking at Olivia Benson. She hadn't noticed before that whenever Olivia was thinking the vein in forehead stood out.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked slowly placing her hand on Olivia's jean covered knee.

Olivia sighed, "I like you Alex... I really like you and because I like you I don't want to tell you about my mother because... because then I'm afraid you won't like me." Olivia kept her eyes away from Alex's gaze.

"Liv, I like you too and because I like you... I want to know about your mother. What she did to you tonight was terrible. After you have devoted your life to taking care of her she kicks you out?"

Olivia nodded, "She can't help it."

"It doesn't matter," Alex said, "You shouldn't have to pay."

Olivia nodded.

"You're probably exhausted," Alex said, "Let's go lay down. We can talk more tomorrow."

Olivia smiled sadly and stood up from the couch, "Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Alex smiled warmly, "Don't mention it."

The two of them headed into Alex's bedroom and lay down together on the king size bed that Alex had just bought. She hoped she wouldn't have to sleep in it alone for long and now her wish was finally coming true. She just wished it was on different circumstances. She looked over at Olivia who was already fast asleep and smiled to herself. Olivia was the strongest person she knew. Who else spent their life helping others? Olivia never took one day to herself. She came to work to see the gruesome things it had to offer and then went home to a drunk mother who didn't want her there. Alex wanted to change things for her. She didn't want Olivia to have to worry about those things anymore. She wanted to take care of her and get to know her more than she did. She reached her hand over and gently swiped the hair out of Olivia's face. "Goodnight, Liv," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

r The smell of sweet orange juice and greasy bacon rolled through the house like crashing waves onto a shore. The sizzling from the bacon making the kitchen fill with noise.

"Shit," Alex said quickly jumping away from the stove. A little bubble of grease had just popped out of the skillet and made contact with her skin. She turned the burner off and moved the pan away from the heat, sliding the bacon onto a plate.

Next she went over to the cabinets and grabbed the maple syrup. She drowned the pancakes in the sticky substance. She placed the two plates full of food onto a tray and balanced the tray with one hand while walking up the stairs.

She sat the tray down on the table beside the bed and smiled at Olivia, who was still fast asleep. She didn't want to wake her up to early because she figured she had a long night. She also didn't want Olivia to sleep the day away.

"Rise and shine," Alex said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and a smile crept across her face.

"Good morning," Alex said, "Or good afternoon."

"Crap!" Olivia said bolting upright in bed, "I'm late for work!"

"Relax," Alex said with the same smile on her face, "You have the day off.

A puzzled Olivia asked, "I do?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah. Your Captain called earlier and I figured I should answer it. I told him you still weren't feeling well and he told me to take good care of you."

Olivia smiled at her Captain's thoughtfulness. "Thanks..."

"I made breakfast," Alex smiled pointing to the tray, "Eat up."

"You didn't have to cook," a thankful Olivia said.

"I know I didn't HAVE to. I WANTED to."

Olivia smiled, "Thank you... again. It looks great."

"I hope it tastes great too," Alex said handing Olivia the tray, "Usually it's just me eating my cooking."

Olivia picked up her piece of toast with grape jelly on it and took a bite, giving Alex a thumbs up for her cooking, "It's fantastic."

After the two of them ate breakfast in bed, Alex tried to talk to Olivia about her mother. She didn't want to know everything, she just wanted to know if Olivia was okay.

"So, uh, do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia looked down at the gray carpet thinking about the previous night and why she ended up at Alex's house in the first place. She shook her head, "Not really."

"You'll feel better after you talk about it," Alex said placing a gentle hand on her knee, "Isn't that what you always say to victims?"

"I'm not a victim," Olivia said harsher than intended. "Sorry..."

Alex gave her a sad smile, "I didn't mean that. I just meant that if you need anyone to talk to, I'm all ears."

Olivia nodded, "I don't ever talk about it," she admitted sadly, "I don't really... know how?"

Alex sighed, "You don't have any clothes here," she stated, "Or anything. I'll can take you buy there to get your things today. Maybe we could go to lunch after that. Are you up for it?"

"I think that's a good idea."

Olivia loved how Alex was so understanding. She wasn't pushing her to talk about anything she didn't want to and at the same time she made her feel better. She felt like she could trust Alex with anything so, why was it so hard to tell her? She already knew the basics, what did the little details matter?

Olivia stood outside on the sidewalk in front of her mother's house, dreading the next part. Alex was standing beside her, not saying anything, but even just standing there was giving Olivia the courage to go inside. She took a deep breath and then continued the rest of the way up the sidewalk and to the door.

"Olivia!" Serena screamed happily, flinging the door open before she had a chance to knock. Her arms flew around Olivia's neck and Alex was startled. "Where have you been?"

Olivia sighed, she should have known this was going to happen. "You uh, you kicked me out last night..."

"That's absurd," Serena said walking into the house with Olivia and Alex following, "Why would I do such a thing?"

Alex stayed quiet, she didn't want to get in the way of anything and she was afraid if she said anything, Serena would retaliate.

"You were drunk," Olivia said simply, "Shitfaced. Like you are every night."  
A quizzical look was on Serena's face, "I think I would remember if I kicked you out. I don't remember having a drink at all last night."

"You don't remember anything," Olivia said feeling her blood boil, "You never do because you're an alcoholic. I can't keep doing this."

"Olivia, Darling," Serena said making her way toward the kitchen, "I don't understand why you're lying just because your friend is here."

Now Olivia was infuriated. It wasn't the fact that Serena had called her a liar, she had done it plenty of times before. It was the fact that she had said it in front of Alex. Alex didn't need to hear her crap.

"I'm done," Olivia said moving her hand across her neck to make her point, "Done."

Olivia walked passed her mother and back into her room where she grabbed a suitcase and started packing up her things. She wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible.

Alex was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Serena as she made her way to the cabinet. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting a drink. I need one."

Alex couldn't believe it. After everything Olivia had just said to her, she was turning toward the bottle, "You realize your daughter is leaving, right? She isn't going to come back."

Serena didn't even bottle pouring the Vodka into a glass, she drank it straight from the bottle, "She'll come back. She always does."

Alex wanted to literally punch her in the face. "No she won't," she said keeping her voice calm for Olivia's sake, "She has someone now who loves her. Who will do anything for her."

Serena scoffed, "Nobody loves her. She looks too much like her father."

Olivia was standing just outside the kitchen in the hallway with her things packed when Serena had said that. Sure she had said it before, but this time it hit Olivia harder. This time somebody else was there to hear it and that made it so much more real. This time she couldn't take it. She looked toward her mom one last time, with tears glossing over her eyes, and then took off outside.

"You son of a bitch," Alex said with fierceness in her voice. She shook her head and then turned around to run after Olivia. "Liv, wait!"

Olivia was sitting in the passenger seat of Alex's car crying harder than Alex had ever seen her cry. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't," Alex said placing her hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Liv, this isn't your fault. None of it. What she said was a lie."

Olivia swat angrily at her tears and jerked away from Alex's touch, "No it isn't. I have nobody Alex. My mother as alienated everyone I have ever been close to. There's nobody left."

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. This was her chance to tell Olivia how she felt. This was it... "You have me."  
Olivia sniffed and wiped the tear that was halfway down her cheek away. "I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Alex told her, "Let's just go to lunch. I could use the food."

Olivia smiled, forgetting everything that had just went on. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

"I'll have a chicken salad," Olivia said closing her menu and handing it back to the waiter, "With grilled chicken instead of baked."

"And I'll have the chicken salad with baked chicken instead of grilled," Alex said closing her menu and doing the same.

"I'm starving," Alex said rubbing her stomach in a circular motion, "How about you?"

Olivia shrugged, "Not really."

"Liv," she said reaching to touch her hand over the table top, "Stop worrying about your mother. You're here and she's there. Hasn't she ruined your life enough?"

"That's just it, Lex," she said sighing, "I should be helping her. She can't do this on her own. After what I made her live through, don't you think I owe this to her?"

"No," Alex answered firmly, "I don't think you owe her a damn thing."

"I feel like I do," Olivia said sadly.

"You don't. Nobody that acts like her deserves to be treated with respect. You didn't deserve any thing that she did to you."

"Can we talk about something else, please?"

Alex sighed, "Sure. I just want you to know that I'm here. If you ever do want to talk about it."

"Okay," Olivia said taking a sip of her water.

They enjoyed their peaceful lunch talking about things like what type of music they liked and their favorite movies. They had a lot in common and they also had a lot that surprised one another. Alex was surprised to hear that Olivia's favorite song was a love song and Olivia was surprised to hear that Alex's favorite movie was an action movie.

"Looks can be deceiving," Alex said.

"Got that right."

After lunch Alex had gotten a call from work saying she needed to come in. She wasn't too thrilled about that because it was suppose to be her day off and she wanted to spend it with Olivia.

"It's okay," Olivia said, "I'll be fine here. Go ahead."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked as she buttoned up her blazer.

"Yes," Olivia said, "Go."

"I'll see you later," Alex said.

"See you."

Olivia was left alone now and she didn't know what to do. She could just sit around and watch TV all day but that was driving her crazy. She thought about going into the precinct but Cragen would just send her home and she wasn't in the mood for that. Then she thought about her mother again. Her mother was probably passed out on the couch with alcohol bottles surrounding her. She sighed at the thought and then grabbed her jacket and keys and headed outside.

Before she walked into her mother's house she took a deep breath to prepare herself. She didn't know what was going to happen once she went inside. She opened the door after seeing that it wasn't locked and walked inside.

"Mother..."

Serena was passed out on the couch with a half empty bottle of Vodka in her hand. There was vomit all over the floor and Olivia headed straight to the kitchen where she grabbed a sponge and cleaning chemicals.

She sprayed the mess on the floor and began scrubbing vigorously. As the tears started pouring out of her eyes she scrubbed harder. She knew she shouldn't have left. She should have stayed at home to help her mother. She knew better than to leave her alone.

She was too surrounded in her own thoughts to realize that Alex had walked in and found her.

"Olivia..." Alex said gently, pulling her up off the floor, "Calm down. It's okay."

Alex pulled Olivia closer to her and Olivia sobbed into her shoulder. "It's okay," Alex continued to say as she rubbed her back.

"I shouldn't have left," Olivia cried, "Who's going to take care of her?"

"We will get her help Liv," Alex said, "If that's what you want. You shouldn't beat yourself up like this. We can put her in rehab. I'll help pay for it."

"No," Olivia said, "You don't have to do that."

"If it's going to make you happy I will," Alex said wiping away Olivia's tears, "I'll do anything for you."

"Lex," Olivia said, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Alex said, "Okay?"

Olivia nodded.

"Let's get you back home. I asked my boss for the rest of the day off anyway."

"How did you know I was here?"

Alex shrugged, "I just had a feeling."

Alex took Olivia home and fixed her a warm glass of tea. They settled down together on the couch and Alex took Olivia into her arms and played with her shoulder length brown hair. "Stop worrying," she whispered.

Olivia sighed, "I can't. No matter how hard I try. She'll always be my mother."

"I know," Alex said, "Just remember what I said. We are going to get her help. We can call around to places tomorrow when it isn't so late."

"You're the only person besides Cragen who knows about my mother," Olivia said quietly, "It's not something you go around telling people."  
"How long has she been like this?" Alex asked.

"For as long as I can remember," Olivia answered sadly, "Whenever I was little it wasn't so bad. She would be sober during the day. I remember her fixing dinner a lot of the times. She tried. Then as I got older her habits got worse..."

Alex gave her a squeeze on the shoulder for support and Olivia kept going, "She always blamed me. She said that I was too much like my father and that she should have never decided to keep me..."

"Liv," Alex said, her heart breaking for Olivia, "She didn't mean that."

"I know," Olivia said, "But I see what victims go through everyday. I can't stop thinking that if she wouldn't have had me, she wouldn't be like this."

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that," Alex said, "You are a wonderful person. If you weren't here... then I don't think I would believe in love at first sight."

Olivia was caught off guard at hearing Alex say that. Sure, she knew that they were dating now. She knew how much she liked Alex and she figured Alex liked her back but, love?

Olivia smiled, "You love me?" Her brown eyes peered up at Alex's as they read deep into each others souls.

"Yes," Alex said honestly, "I love you. Which is why it hurts me to see you like this. You deserve so much better."

Olivia was sitting up now but she was still holding onto Alex's hand. They were quiet for a few moments. Olivia was trying to think of what to say so she could prove to Alex that she loved her too. Nothing came to mind so finally, she just dove in. Their lips met like waves crashing onto the sandy shore when the tide was full. It tasted sweet, just like Olivia had always imagined it would.

"That was..."

"Shh," Olivia said bringing her finger to Alex's lip, "Don't talk."

Olivia leaned in again and if at all possible the kiss held even more passion than before. She started slipping in her tongue and it was like they were meant to be together. Alex began pulling Olivia's shirt off over her head and gently saying her name when they came up for air.

"You're beautiful," Alex said staring at Olivia's full exposed body.

"So are you," she smiled.

"We should take this in the bedroom now," Alex laughed.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed, "We should."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello Olivia," Dr. Walker, Olivia's new therapist, said as she shook Olivia's hand.

"Hi," Olivia said a bit nervously. This wasn't her first time being in therapy but it was her first time going willingly. Her and Alex had talked about it and they both agreed that it was best if Olivia went.

"So tell me," Dr. Walker said, "What brings you here?"

Olivia smiled, "My friend."

"Your friend?"

Olivia nodded, "Her and I agreed that it was a good idea."

"Why?"

Olivia shrugged. She hated when people went digging into her personal life. "It's complicated."

"We have awhile," Dr. Walker said with a warm grin on her semi wrinkled face. She looked to be about in her early forties with her grayish blonde hair that went a little passed her shoulders.

Olivia sighed, "Well, my mother..." she was lost in her thoughts as her eyes wandered around the pasty white room. She was trying to focus them on anything else besides the lady who seemed to be staring her down.

"Your mother what?"

She sighed again, "She's an alcoholic. She uh- I've been taking care of her my whole life. I have finally had enough and I walked out."

"But...?"

"But," Olivia said, "She's my mother. I can't just let go no matter how bad I want to."

Dr. Walker nodded, "Have you tried getting your mother into rehab?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Of course. I'm not stupid. I've tried everything. She thanks me by hitting me and throwing glass at me. Then kicking me out when she doesn't get her way."

Dr. Walker nodded her head intently as she listened to Olivia's story. She would scribble some things down in her notepad at some points and Olivia was real antsy to see what the said. She didn't want Dr. Walker to think she was some looney.

"Look," Olivia said after she had had enough, "I have somewhere to be at one so, uh, it was nice talking to you."

"You should come back," Dr. Walker said stopping Olivia just before she walked through the door.

She shook her head, "I don't think that's necessary. I feel a lot better. Really. Thanks."

"Olivia," Dr. Walker said taking off her glasses and sitting them down on her desk, "I really think you should come back."

Olivia rolled her eyes for the millionth time that day and crossed her arms in a defensive position in front of her chest. "I don't need therapy. The only reason I'm here is because my girlfriend suggested that it would be a good idea. I care about her. That's why I came. There's no reason for me to come back. I'm fine."

"Then why are you crying?" Dr. Walker stood up from her desk and grabbed a tissue from a box resting in the corner and handed it to Olivia.

She accepted the tissue and wiped gently away at her stubborn tears who she tried so desperately to keep from falling.

"I understand you're angry," Dr. Walker said with a sympathetic look etched on her face, "I also understand that you're upset. You wish that your mother wasn't an alcoholic and you wish that you could help her but, you're also angry with her."

Olivia wiped again at her tears. She took a deep breath and then brought her eyes up where they had been looking at the floor and looked at Dr. Walker, "What do I do?"

"You come back for another session," Dr. Walker answered, "You talk through it. Believe it or not, it will help."

Olivia couldn't believe she had actually cried. She had tried so hard to keep the emotion out of it because of what had just happened. She knew that therapist's were good at their jobs and she knew that Kim Walker would want her to come back.

"Okay," she finally said with defeat in her voice, "I'll come back."

"So, how did it go?" Alex question as she took of her black blazer and placed it neatly on the back of a kitchen chair.

Olivia sighed and looked up at Alex from her position on the couch, "I cried like a baby."

"Oh, Liv," Alex sighed plopping down next to her, "I'm sorry. I should have went with you."  
"No," Olivia said, "That's okay. Dr. Walker said I cried because I was letting my guard down... She said that was a good thing."  
After Alex slipped off her black heels and placed them neatly on the floor and then reached up to move Olivia's hair out of her face, "Are you going to go back?"

Olivia nodded, "I guess."

"I think you should," Alex smiled, "If you want of course... I think it would be best."

"I missed you today," Olivia said changing the subject, "It was pretty lonely here."

"I missed you too," Alex smiled, "I figured we could go out tonight... maybe catch a movie?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Olivia agreed, "Or we could cuddle up in our bed and _watch_ a movie of our own."

Alex knew where this was headed but she didn't think it was such a good idea. She knew that Olivia had had a rough day and she didn't want Olivia to bottle all of her feelings up. If they were going to be a couple... Olivia had to be open. She had to be willing to discuss how she was feeling and what was bothering her.

"Liv..." Alex said quietly taking her hand, "I don't know... you've had a long day and... I just..."

"It's okay," Olivia said shaking her head, "I don't know what came over me... going to the movies sounds perfect."

Alex smiled and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, "We better get ready. The movie starts at ten."


	6. Chapter 6

"That was a stupid movie," Alex said as her and Olivia walked out of the theater hand in hand.

Olivia stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and took in a deep breath. "Alex..."

"We should have just stayed home... I'm sorry. I didn't know that's what the movie was about." Alex continued rambling on and she was so busy apologizing for the contents of the movie that she didn't realize Olivia was having an anxiety attack.

"A...lex," Olivia said again as she squeezed Alex's hand trying to get her attention.

"Yeah? Oh my gosh, Liv?! Are you okay? Breathe. Just breathe, it's okay." Alex pushed Olivia's hair out of her face and held onto her hand, helping her guide through the breathing. She was scared on the inside but she wasn't going to show that because clearly Olivia needed her help.

When Olivia managed to get her breathing under control she apologized, "I'm sorry. I-I don't know what happened..."

"We should get home," Alex said sadly.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said again, looking Alex in the eyes, "I didn't mean to ruin the night."

"You didn't, Liv," Alex said gently, "Okay? You didn't ruin the night at all. Now let's get back to the house and we crawl into bed and cuddle up, okay?"

Olivia nodded and blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes. She was so thankful for Alex. Alex had basically taken care of her the past few days. Olivia wasn't sure she deserved Alex though. She felt ashamed, like she couldn't control herself anymore. She felt like she was damaged and she didn't want Alex to have to deal with that.

When they got home Alex climbed into bed with Olivia and cuddle up close to her. She was playing with her hair as she whispered kind words into ear. Out of nowhere Olivia began crying. She held her sobs in so that Alex wouldn't know but when she started shaking Alex was quick to ask what the problem was.

"I love you," Olivia said through her tears, "I love you and that's why I don't think I can be with you. Look at me," she said turning to face her, "I'm a mess. I... I don't even have my life together right now and... and you... you don't deserve this. You deserve someone who can make you happy and isn't all... broken."

"Liv, I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere. I want to help you." Alex reached up and cupped Olivia's cheek in her hand, "I want to help you get better. I love you for being you," she went on to say. "Okay?"

Olivia cried some more and Alex reached up to wipe her tears, "I love you." She leaned closer to Olivia and planted a gentle kiss on her temple and repeated the words again, "I love you."

Olivia fell asleep that night in Alex's arms feeling safe for the first time in a while. When she was Alex she didn't feel like anything else mattered. She felt like there were good things in the world and being with Alex... it made her have a sense of optimism that she had never had before.

Alex never let go of her. No matter how many times her arm fell asleep she kept it wrapped around Olivia's waist and holding her hand. She loved Olivia and no matter how hard Olivia pushed her away she was determined to pull her back. She was willing to wait forever.

Today was a big day for both Alex and Olivia. Alex had a case at work that she had been preparing for for months. She was determined to win. It was also the day that Olivia was taking her mother to rehab and Alex wished more than anything that she could be there for Olivia but the trial had already been rescheduled once and Alex needed to be there for her client.

"You'll be okay?" Alex asked as she sat down across from Olivia at the kitchen table.

Olivia nodded, "I'll be fine," she said after swallowing her mouthful of Cheerios.

"If you need anything, anything, Liv, call me."

"I will," Olivia nodded, "I promise."

Alex sighed and buttoned up the last button on her blue blazer jacket. She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Olivia's, "I love you."

Olivia smiled, "I love you too. Now go! You're going to be late!"

Alex hurried out of the door so she could be on time for her trial. It was her biggest trial this year and she was determined to win. She had gotten attached to this case and she wouldn't be okay if she lost.

Olivia finished her Cheerios and then rinsed her bowl out and headed to her bedroom to change into her day clothes. This was the first time she was seeing her mother in person since the last incident and she was determined not to cry. She needed to be strong for her mother because hopefully going to rehab would help.

She decided on wearing a pair of jeans a plain button up shirt with her normal shoes. She wasn't going to get all fancied up because it would just be a waste of time. She grabbed a light jacket and then headed out to her mother's house.

She stood outside the front door, preparing herself for what she might find. She had talked to her mother the night before reminding her about today and she had been sober at the time. Olivia wasn't sure that would last though. She took a deep breath and reached her hand up to knock twice. She waited impatiently for her mother to answer.

"Hey, Olivia..." Serena said opening the door.

Serena was wearing jeans and a t-shirt too and her make up had been done nicely. She seemed like she was sober but, Olivia wasn't sure.

"Hey..." Olivia said stepping into the house, "Are you ready?"

"No," Serena said shakily as she sat down on the couch, "If we're being honest I'm a bit scared."

Olivia sighed. She loved her mother... she really did. She just couldn't put up with the drunk and sloppy side of her anymore. She wanted her mother well.

"There's nothing to be scared of," Olivia said sitting down next to her and placing her hand on Serena's arm, "They're going to help you."

Serena nodded, "I know but... they can't change the past and... everything I've done... to you..."

Olivia didn't say anything. She wasn't sure if her mom was trying to apologize or not.

"I can't ever take it back," Serena sobbed, "I did and said horrible things to you..."

"Mom," Olivia said wiping her mother's tears, "I... I forgive you."

Serena sobbed harder now and Olivia pulled her into her arms. This was going to be a long day...


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia was standing outside the doors of the treatment center with her arm interlocked with Serena's. She knew she was doing the right thing by getting her mother help but, she knew it wasn't going to be easy. She knew her mother would lash out at least once after they had gotten inside and Serena was told the rules that she would have to abide by. The only thing getting her through it was knowing that she was going home to a beautiful woman whom she loved. She couldn't wait to get home and see those gorgeous blue eyes.

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm going to get," Serena answered. Olivia tightened her grip on Serena's suitcase and then they began the walk inside.

A nice young lady greeted them from behind a desk just inside the door. She checked Serena in and took her bag so they could make sure she didn't have anything they shouldn't.

"Okay before your doctor comes up I'm just going to go over a few of the basics with you," the young lady with her blonde hair in a pony tail said.

Olivia placed her hand on top of Serena's as they sat at the table in a private room.

"We can't allow you to have a cell phone but there's is a phone in the kitchen that you are able to use at any time. Visiting hours are every Monday, Wednesday, and weekends from five to six. The wake up bell is at eight and you will have a half an hour to get ready before breakfast is served. You will have activities through out the day to keep your mind away from your addiction..."

"I'm not addicted," Serena chimed in a hateful tone.

"Mom," Olivia pleaded. She really didn't want to start this now. Serena was doing so well.

The nurse just nodded and went on explaining the rules, "Lunch is served at noon and after that you will have free time to just watch some television, or go out on the patio, whatever you'd like. Then dinner is at five and after dinner there is a group session that everyone must attend. Here is a form I'd like for you to sign and it's basically saying you agree with our terms and you understand that while you're hear we are going to help you."

Serena nodded and accepted the pen and paper from the lady. She looked to Olivia before signing it and Olivia gave her a small nod of encouragement. This was the first step for Serena to get better and Olivia knew it. She wanted more than anything to have her mom back.

"Okay," the young lady said after Serena had signed her name, "If you want to just say goodbye to your loved one here and then I will take you back and we can get you settled in."

Serena turned to Olivia and her eyes were red and glossed over. Olivia knew it wasn't because she was wasted this time, it's because she was sad. She was sad and scared and Olivia knew it.

"You'll do fine," Olivia whispered as she wrapped her arms around her frail mother, "I know you will. They're going to help you get better."

Serena sobbed and it tugged at Olivia's heart. "I'm going to get better just for you," she whispered, "Because I love you and I can't ever take back the things I did and the things I said..."

"I love you too," Olivia whispered, slowly pulling out of the hug.

"Are you ready?" the lady asked when Serena turned toward her.

Serena nodded and gave Olivia one last hug before following the young doctor who led Serena down a long narrow hallway and to her room.

Olivia just stood there, taking in everything that was happening. She sighed and picked up her purse so she could head home and wait for Alex. Today was Monday so she wouldn't be allowed to visit her mother until Wednesday.

Alex's trial was just about to start and as she sat her briefcase down onto the wooden table she looked down at her watch to check the time. She couldn't get Olivia off of her mind. She hoped that things went okay and that Serena didn't say anymore hateful words to her. Alex hated the fact that Olivia's mother was a drunk and she wished she could have been there for Olivia a lot sooner.

"All rise," the bailiff announced, pulling Alex's mind back to current situation. She had a victim to take care of so right now she would have to stop worrying about Olivia. She opened her briefcase and just prayed that Olivia was okay.

Before going back to Alex's house Olivia stopped at a nearby liquor store only this time it wasn't to pick up Vodka for her mom. She walked to the far wall and picked out a special bottle of champagne that she knew Alex was fond of. She knew that Alex was handling a case that had a special impact on her and she knew that if Alex won she would want to celebrate. She went up to the checkout and paid for the bottle and then headed home.

There was still a few hours left before Alex would arrive and Olivia wanted to make the best of it. She looked around for a table cloth and smiled when she found a silk pink one in the hall closet. She flung the table cloth up in the air and then laid it down flat over top of the audabon in the living room. Then she took the roses she had gotten along with the champagne and tore the petals off leaving them scattered along the cloth. The sun was dipping beyond the horizon outside and now was the perfect time to get the fire going. When she was finished setting up the romantic décor she stepped back and let out a happy sigh. Alex was going to love it. Now all she had left to do was change out of her clothes and into something a little more attractive looking. She rummaged through her bags that were resting on the floor in Alex's bedroom and decided to just put on a housecoat with nothing under it. Nothing.

**Sorry it's been awhile! I'm not always around internet so chapters get uploaded when they can. I won't leaving you hanging with this chapter for too long so look for another one very soon! Possibly tonight! :) **


	8. Chapter 8

The night was late and Alex was exhausted. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed with Olivia and go to sleep. She put the keys into the door and walked in, tossing her briefcase to the floor and shimmying her coat off. She was too exhausted to realize that the lights were out and Olivia was lying on the couch with a few candles lit.

"Hey," Olivia said walking over to her, "I figured you would want to celebrate the win."

Alex's bottom lip quivered and she just stood there shaking her head. After so much time and effort put into the case, she had lost. A rapist was walking free and there was a young girl who was terrified to be in her own home. She didn't have the heart to tell Olivia.

"I... I didn't win."

Olivia's smile quickly faded. "Oh... Alex, I'm sorry. I-I'll clean up and you... you just go ahead on to bed, okay? I'm sorry."

Alex shrugged, "This was really great though, Liv. What you did..."

Olivia smiled sadly, "The day I have a good one you have a bad one. The irony."

Alex let out a small chuckle at that, "How did it go with your mom?"

"We can talk about that later," Olivia said, "Go ahead and change out of those clothes and I'll clean up here. Then I'll meet you in the bedroom."

Alex nodded and slowly trudged down the hallway to her bedroom so she could change out of her itchy skirt and her button up shirt that felt like it was choking her. Some days she hated her dress code.

Olivia quickly moved to put all of the stuff she had dragged out away. She was a little upset that it was going to waste but she would get over it. Alex was more important than a little date and right now Alex needed her. She blew out the candles and watched as the smoke from the flame slowly dissipated into the air. For the first time in a long while, she felt like everything was going to get better and that it would all end up okay.

"Liv!" Alex called, "Are you coming?"

"I'm right here," she answered peering into the bedroom.

"So how did it go?"

"There were no fights," Olivia said as she crawled under the paisley printed comforter and pulled Alex close to her. "I think she'll actually get better."

"That's good," Alex smiled, "That's really good."

"Yeah," Olivia smiled, "I'm sorry about your day..."

"Yeah... me too. I really thought we were going to win. I thought for sure the pictures of the victim would get to the jury."

Olivia lay there quietly, pulling Alex closer toward her. She gently rubbed her thumb up and down Alex's arm. It was a nice moment just lying there together. Both of them feeling safe as ever.

"I was just thinking today about how I owe you a really big thanks," Olivia said softly, "You saved me from my mother."

Alex looked at her and smiled, "I hated the way she treated you. She was awful, Liv. And I knew you were too nice to do anything. I couldn't stand to watch the woman I loved being hurt any longer."

Olivia smiled sadly and for a minute she stopped rubbing Alex's arm. She wondered how long Alex had loved her from afar. Had it been as long as she had loved Alex? "Alex..." she said quietly, "I really do love you. Maybe I'm not the best at showing it and I'm sorry for that but, I loved you, a lot. Every time I look at you I just have to smile. Your eyes just melt my heart."

Alex smiled and some how all of the worries she had from the day were disappearing. Alex tired to search for the right words to say that could follow something as sweet as what Olivia had said. She couldn't think of anything so instead, she showed her. She rolled over so she was on top of Olivia and moved the hair out of her face very gently. She leaned closer and their lips met, sending sparks flying through the air. Alex then leaned back and smiled provocatively, "This day just got a whole lot better."

Olivia reached her hand around Alex's head and pulled her toward the bed, flipping her over so she was now on top. "Glad I could help."

The night had ended up being one of the best they could ever ask for. They had stayed up all night and into the dawn just talking. Talking about everything. Their childhoods, their teenage years, college, everything about life in general. One of the ways relationships lasted were through communication and both women knew this. That's why it was important to both of them that they always talk to each other.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" Alex asked as she held onto Olivia's hand a little bit tighter.

"Sure."

"Why did you let her get away with it for so long? All those years... Liv, she was awful to you. The stories you just told me... Why?"

Olivia's eyes began to tear up and she thought about it for a moment. She needed to think of the best way to say it. "She was all I had –" Her words seemed to catch in her throat and she let out a quiet sob. Alex could feel her trembling in her arms. "I couldn't imagine the thought of being alone."

Alex used her free hand to reach up and wipe Olivia's tears away with her thumb, "You don't have to worry about that. Ever. I'm going to be here for you. Always."

Olivia nodded and the tears kept falling. "I love you, Alexandra."  
"I know," Alex smiled, "I love you too, Olivia."

Slowly but surely, things were looking up for Olivia. Her mom was in rehab and was showing tremendous improvement. She was dating the perfect woman and they were moving into a new house together. A few years ago, she never would have imagined that this would be her life. She always thought she would be stuck in that hell hole with her mother. She figured if she died, it would be the fault of one of her mother's drunken evening. Now, she had a new outlook on things... that love was all that mattered.

"I don't want to spend my life wasted," Serena had said to Olivia on the phone through one of their conversations.

"That's not you anymore," Olivia said to her with a huge grin on her face, "You're better than that. You'll be out of there in no time."

"I hope I get the chance to meet Alex again."

"You will," Olivia said, "We're getting married."

**THE END!**


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